Define dating vs hanging out
The singles that I knew at UCLA seemed to me to be pretty brave about asking each other out, so I figured they were being hard on themselves. Stephanie: I had a “guy friend” for several years who continuously asked if he could come over to my house or if I would go to his (oh boy, I hope he doesn’t see this or he’ll recognize his story, haha) and watch a movie while cuddling.
Hopefully we’re not still beating ourselves as singles, but can also be aware of where we need to leave our “safe place” and take some chances. In my standard, that was a recipe for trouble and I didn’t want him around my children unless we had really had some official dating time under our belts.
One point that the piece makes that I agree with is that lots of daters out there — men and women both — are unclear about the difference between a date and a non-date. Unless it’s a polyamorous type of situation, or you agreed upon it in advance, there should only be two people on the date. Just you and him or you and her being alone together doing something at an agreed upon time. What You Can Expect Of A Date: Well, not much really, I’m sad to say. But I think it’s safe to expect that when going on a date both of you are there to see whether or not a romantic connection exists between you.
Then we always found out there was plenty we had in common.Jessica: I’m not arguing the simplicity of the common interest, just that there is some form of common ground present before agreeing to a date Stephanie: I have to agree with Paul on this one, Jessica (which I rarely do because it’s so fun NOT to agree with him, haha), there have been several occasions when I’ve gone on a date with someone I briefly met at a singles conference or event that I didn’t have time to talk to at any length with before our date.I’ve also been set up by friends with guys I didn’t know at all but still considered it a date regardless of how “blind” it was. But if you are invited over to someone’s place to hang out and don’t leave or do anything, that’s a non-date. It could turn into a date if both people want it to turn into a date, but it’s not presumed. I once found myself on a date that turned into a non-date the minute he told me all of his friends were meeting us at the concert. If the plan for your date was to go over to one of your places and cook dinner and watch a movie, fine. If colleague/co-worker/friend asks you to get together to talk business, that’s a non-date. You should not assume that there is any romantic future awaiting you on your non-date.